When I open the door to a place that is stress free, I walk onto the path of the Lanikai Pillbox hike. It is still dark outside and it is around four in the morning. I am with my friend Amber. We start to walk up the hills and we get to a spot where we can see down to the ocean. There are houses and a few cars are driving on the road. We can see the two islands in the ocean. We walk all the way up to the first pillbox and we sit at the edge. We take out the food that we brought for our breakfast and start to eat. We talk about school and what we should do when we get back down. We talk for another half hour and then we see it. The sun starts to come up behind the horizon. We have to squint our eyes because the sun is in our eyes. We take a few pictures to remember the hike and then we head back down. But when we get back to the start of the trail, it is also the end of my stay at my special place. Then I am back to my house with all the stress, chores, and homework. But this time, I am ready to finish all my homework and finish all my chores.
I liked the ending sentence to your last paragraph a lot. It showed when you visited your special place and where it was. Your purpose was good and I understood and could relate to this topic.. You had a good topic sentence, but I think you should introduce to the reader who Libbi and Kristi are. You did a nice job on stating where your special place was, and describing it. I think that your sentences flowed well, but you should not start off your sentences with the word "but". I could tell that you used your own voice, so overall this was a good rough draft.
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